Wednesday, June 6, 2007

From my own journal in 2004:

Here I am, a seeker, learning (finally) to mother myself and seek myself. Learning (finally!) that it is not a selfish thing, but a balancing act. Having learned to mother others by letting them learn on their own as much as possible, I am free to seek my own purpose, my God-given role on this earth, my part in bring His Kingdom to pass.

This new chapter and knowledge--digging into the Truth of the Word and learning what God really meant when He created man and woman--how He values women as much as He values man, that we are created equally by God.

God, you have been preparing me for this from the beginning-- and the Enemy has fought so hard against me.

How did I come to this path? How did I come this path and not my sisters or brother? What makes me different? Not better, but different?

And even as I write, I am humbled by the answer from You: that You are faithful to me as I have been fatihful to You. No matter the circumstances, we walked together, always. You have been my Guide, my Light. And You promised that You would never leave me.

I am deeply humbled by the privilege and responsibility You have set for me. I need Your wisdom and boldness to carry it onward and outward.


Kansas Bob June 7, 2007 at 5:57 AM  

"God, you have been preparing me for this from the beginning-- and the Enemy has fought so hard against me."

This reminded me of something John Eldredge wrote:

"The story of your life is the story of the journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. It's the story of the long and sustained assault on your heart by the Enemy who knows who you could be ... and fears you. But it's also the story of the long and mysterious pursuit of your heart by the God who knows you truly and loves you deeply."

Patchouli June 7, 2007 at 7:49 AM  

Thanks, KB. This week has been ridiculous--pet trauma, kid drama, Em is leaving for the summer, a boy I sit with is back in the hospital with a life-threatening condition--this morning I was washing the garage floor (the dogs were in there too long because I was gone) and bitterly complaining about it to no one in particular. Then a sweet neighbor lady stopped by and told me not to give up--a reminder that God loves me even when I'm standing in dog poop and cussing about it.
He knows me truly and loves me deeply (anyway).

Kansas Bob June 13, 2007 at 9:28 AM  

"Then a sweet neighbor lady stopped by"

Amazing what forms those angels take these days :)