Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What do you think?

Domestic violence and assault seems to come from out of nowhere. You are having an argument with your spouse and suddenly, it just gets out of hand. The police are called, and you find yourself in jail, charged with domestic assault. Often these cases arise during the course of a divorce when tensions are already high and tempers can flare without warning.
These charges are not to be taken lightly, however. Generally, you will be charged with a misdemeanor assault unless you use a deadly weapon or cause serious injuries such as broken bones. However, even in situations where you were charged and convicted of a misdemeanor, a second domestic assault charge can now be charged as a felony under Texas law. This is true even if the second charge is based on nothing more than a hard slap or pushing your spouse down. Therefore, you need to take any domestic assault charge seriously even if it is your first.
At Gioffredi & Associates Dallas, TX

STAFFORD, Va. — A woman convicted of a felony for throwing a cup of ice into a car that cut her off in traffic was sentenced to probation instead of prison, a judge ruled Wednesday.
Jessica Hall faced between two and five years in prison after she was convicted last month of maliciously throwing a missile — the cup of ice — into an occupied vehicle. No one was injured in the incident last summer.


Monday, February 12, 2007

Got Trust?

Not me--nada. At one time, I trusted everyone ( I had no boundaries--NONE)--and now I'm at the other end of the spectrum. I trust no one completely. I'm willing to try, but my history with boundaries is so spotty that I'm still learning what/how/why/when/where/who.
Which means its a lonely road--and I'm the one walking it. This is a common trait for anyone who has been abused in any way--uber sensitivity that is acted out in unrealistic boundaries, or being a control freak, or giving in to addiction, or...pick one!

NACR Daily Meditation for Monday, 2/12/2007
by Dale and Juanita Ryan

(Rooted in God's Love, the book from which these meditations are taken, is back in print. For details go here)

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"Mark 9:24

We live somewhere between belief and unbelief. Our faith wavers. At times faith is strong and stable. At times it is weak, and shaken.
For many of us, our capacity for trust has been diminished by experiences with people who were not trustworthy. We have learned by painful experience that we will be disappointed if we trust. One of the most intense struggles in recovery is to rebuild our capacity for trust and hope. We want to believe, but we are afraid.
Some people believe that God will respond only to people who 'believe enough'. "If you have enough faith, God will hear you," they say. But Jesus said "All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed." The mustard is the smallest of seeds. God does not reject small, limited faith. God will not ignore even the desire to believe. God will not dismiss a willingness to learn to trust. Mountains have been moved by less. God accepts our limited faith.

Lord, you see my struggle to believe, to trust,and to hope.
You know my fears, my hesitations, my questions.
Help me to accept the limits of my faith.
Help me to bring my limited faith to you.


Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan


Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Gone Loco

Rick Perry needs to get his hands off my daughter's reproductive organs!

song by Josh Ritter

all photos copyrighted 2007

Kara Troglin, Alice Whisman, Robin Dodd


Sunday, February 4, 2007

Rewinding, reminding

Hmmm...seems I've been on the Lazurus path before; exactly one year ago, I wrote this:

It seems as though Elohim is taking me to places that will redefine every thing I've known about Him and myself. Unlike kel, I have not moved geographically, but I have moved spiritually to new territory. It's like going through the dark coat closet and discovering a new country. It seems magical, and some parts are, but it is also the most dangerous place I've ever been. ( I think I will re-read the Chronicles...) I think the real question in my mind is, "Are you sure, God? Remember who this is You're thinking about using for Your purpose. It's me! " I do want to rise above my religion, to know Him by getting to know Him, not listening to other people tell me about Him. I believe that's what He wants of me. And how do I do that?

By listening to Him.
By asking, listening, and obeying.
By receiving healing, true healing.
When Jesus raised Lazurus from the dead, do you think that Lazurus walked around for the rest of his life with death inside of him, coloring his every thought, dream, and relationships?

"Sorry, I can't get involved with you because I have this fear that I may die, and I don't know if Jesus can raise a dead man twice."

"Well, I'd get a job, but I might just drop dead any time. It's happened before..."

"I need to process this whole dying thing. Where were you, Jesus, that you didn't keep me from dying? Yeah, I know you made me live again, and my life is a living testimony to your healing, mercy, and love, but, really Jesus, if you really loved me, why did you let me die in the first place?"

"No, Mary, I can't pray with you right now. I'm too depressed from being in that dark cave for so long. Martha, could you not clean so loudly? I need to focus on me right now."

" 'Lazurus, come forth.' What did he really mean by that?"

So maybe Lazurus had his bad day. But that man knew true death, and was raised from the dead to a brand new life. And so was I.
That same Jesus who commanded Lazurus to "COME FORTH!" from the grave has spoken the same words over his children.
Come forth out of the grave of tradition and religion.
Come forth out of the grave of sin and unbelief.
Come forth out of the grave of hurt and unforgiveness.
Come forth and LIVE.

My choice is to live.

To live in everything that He has in store for me, not what culture, or tradition, or the past demands of me.

Now fast-forward one year--and I can see through those backward binoculars how some of the grave linens have been removed from me, the veil removed from my face. He has shown me my own weaknesses, failings, habits, and stones in front of my heart that keep me from the fullness of His life.

And I'm getting there, slowly, as each time a little less time goes by between sitting in the dark cave and the stepping out into His light.

"God has helped!"


Thursday, February 1, 2007

Jacked-up Buildings, Vanilla Cigars, and the Glory of God

No one told me that CASA training would be a therapy session. The topic was Childhood Separation and Loss, leading into the stages of emotional development according to Eric Ericson/Freud and how children respond to abuse.
I should have known.
After how many years of dealing/healing and still my foot starts bouncing under the table and I have to concentrate on the trainer’s voice–I’m not lost in a flashback, just mighty uncomfortable. A few times I look away at the city lights just to retreat a bit from the subject matter.
I wonder if I’m ever going to be okay.
“If the foundation gets broken, the building is weak. The higher they try to rise, the more the building gets jacked up.”
That makes sense. Everything makes sense-I recognize too many traits of jacked-upness in my own life. Sigh….Foundation work is a mess and costs a fortune–but that’s God’s job, right? The truth is that my foundation was broken, but it’s being fixed, and I can help fix other people’s foundations now—right? That fragile thread is all that is keeping me from leaving that training room and admitting defeat.
Then someone asks the question: “Can they ever be fixed?”

What kind of question is that? Why are you here if you have to ask that question? Can they ever be fixed? Your face needs to be fixed!
The trainer was quick to answer that STUPID question–she couldn’t yell “HELL, YES! What are you doing here if you have to ask that question?”–she said “Of course!” and I really didn’t hear the rest because of the buzzing in my head.
I remember talking a little too much to the trainer afterward–seeking some validation/attention from the authority figure–and of course feeling embarrassed about it all the way home–stinging from knowing that they (all of them at CASA) are rolling their eyes behind my back, judging my neediness and being entertained at my expense–
And all of these ridiculous, irrational insecurities lead back to the question:
“Will I ever get fixed?”

I thought about taking care of that bottle of Merlot that's been getting lonely on the wine rack--
I thought about stopping and getting a half gallon of Extreme Moose Tracks to share with me, myself, and I.
I thought about getting the entire box of Ritz crackers and giving Mr. P the stink eye when he glanced at me...
I sang with Aretha all the way home.

It was late when I got there, and cold outside. I took my last vanilla cigar outside and stood in the back yard in the full moonlight, smoking and thinking. Mr. P came outside for a minute--it was COLD--but I wasn't ready to share with him. Always the same old same old.

Will I ever be fixed?

I thought about my last post and those powerful words--

"You're about to be given new grounds for believing."

"I am, right now, Resurrection and Life."

"Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

I paced that backyard, trying to stay one step ahead of despair. "I'm not feeling it, God. I'm just not feeling the glory."

He led me to a spot and I looked up--and there, in the lit up dining room window, were my three lovelies, telling stories, reading, drawing--just being glorious.

Jesus looked me right in the eye and said (say it with me!):

Didn't I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?!"