Monday, December 14, 2009

Seasons

What season are you experiencing?
Are you able to accept that this "is" now?
                                                     ~kel


That kel, always making me think.


It's been a long, dark, cold winter.  Everything has been asleep while cold has been howling and killing.
But I've survived, asleep somewhere, and now maybe there's a break in the clouds. I feel like my old self sometimes, a little wiser and more careful, seeking the sun. But then, life strikes again--this week I will attend the burial of my 16 yr old nephew, killed accidentally, senselessly, tragically.
I had a hold on life, confident of my place, my space, my calling--it feels like I got hit by a truck while I was singing to my favorite song, hit first with the suicide of my friend and and then...well, everything else.  What my sister must be going through is unimaginable.


It's not my thing to reach out, ask for help.  Obviously, I disappear if I don't have an encouraging word, a wise observation to share.  I'm not one of those weak, needy people that need a lot of hand-holding.
Oh, who am I kidding--I really need everybody to hold my hand right now. It won't make the winter go away, but I will feel a little warmer.

9 comments:

Heidi Renee December 14, 2009 at 5:50 AM  

so sorry for your loss - i will be praying for your family.

i too have a terrible time asking for help. i had a friend say to me "please ask me to help you with this" last week - we had a trailer of wood that needed unloaded and it was taking us forever to do it ourselves - they came over and helped and it was done in an hour and we had fun together. god help me remember that i don't have to do it alone. there is no shame in needing help.

thanks for your words here this morning. i think of you often and pray - i have been a horrible blogger, but am still reading. hope this season has bright spots of joy for you all in and amongst the pain. you will be in my prayers.

Kansas Bob December 14, 2009 at 7:10 AM  

I hate it when life strikes that way! The news of your nephew's passing saddens me.. I have no words. I am asking the Holy Spirit to come you and your family in wisdom and comfort during this gut-wrenching time.

Love and blessings,

Bob

Patchouli December 14, 2009 at 10:18 AM  

Actually, there really are no words. Just the asking takes me to a new place, and knowing that you are praying makes all the difference.

Lynne December 14, 2009 at 2:37 PM  

And here's another hand for you, reaching out across the world.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, sometimes the pain and horror of life is beyond any explanation.
And I pray that you will be able to feel the nail-pierced hand of Christ, holding you fast through everything

Kel December 14, 2009 at 4:36 PM  

I'm so glad you asked.

now go check your email . . .

Erin Wilson December 14, 2009 at 5:58 PM  

Oh luv... I am so sorry.
Just no way to make sense of pain like this.

Praying for you here too...
xo

Milly December 15, 2009 at 6:30 PM  

Reaching for your hand.. . .I understand loss. I wish I could share a tear face to face.

Mark D December 19, 2009 at 4:02 AM  

I don't have words, just tears, love, prayer, support, e-hugs, the list goes on. What a moving article and kind comments. I obviously never met him and yet I miss him.

Magda May 31, 2011 at 4:48 PM  

Hello Patchouli,
I was visiting Kel, and I agree with you, her words are wonderful for encouraging one to think deeper, richer, and best of all to bring forth into one's every day the very thoughts awakened.

Patchouli is a scent I wear daily, and I wondered... and here I am visiting...

Have chosen to give input where at the time you needed to feel supported most.

As time continues its Journey the pain and shock you were going through then may have eased some now... and may I not be bringing to the surface the depth of that pain again... but in my experience, loss of loved ones is like a quiet shadow that walks with one for ever more.

May my present Visit to this moment in your life be a knowing for you that, for me, this was the most special moment to say hello with wishes you may always experience support when you need it most.

With love from Magda(Australia)