Thursday, June 5, 2008

Have you ever heard Jesus laugh??

Given that I'm further away from 18 years old than it took to get there, I feel blessed that I can still recall some of my dreams at that age. Getting married and having children wasn't a dream, but a responsibility-one that I took very seriously. I think I've done a pretty good job, even if some days I have been known to send out smoke signals: "SEND HELP!" And of course those days that every mother has when she knows that there will be a Greek tragedy played out RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW if I don't get a break! All mothers have those moments...right?

The Dream was planted in my heart when my pastor stopped in the middle of a sermon and set his gaze on the young people (all 5?6? of us). With great tenderness and tears, he spoke a blessing: "You can change the world. You can change the world."

And then continued with his teaching.

I believed him.

A safe place, a haven, a soft place to fall for those who have been wounded. A place to heal.

It didn't occur to me that this is exactly what I needed, or how long it would take for healing to take place. The seed was planted. El Tosors de la Vida --Treasure of Life.

The decisions, choices, and circumstances in the next few years (years!) took me far away from that safe place, that haven for the wounded hearts. Apparently, someone else was going to change the world. My sin had cost me the chance to change the world, to bring Light to those in the dark the way I had dreamt about. My dream was dust.

Emily has spent the last year since graduating high school struggling with her head vs her heart: What do I want to do? What do I want to be? Who am I? What is my purpose? Do I follow the money or follow my heart?

My tender-hearted girl, chasing one butterfly after another--which one will make me happy? She has struggled with school so much that she asked me to take a few classes with her--she needs the companionship.

And then she decided she wants a degree in psychology.

And then she wants a Master's so she can be a grief counselor.

I've been watchfully waiting for another butterfly to catch her attention, but this is no butterfly.

On Mother's Day, she gave me a book--"One Nation Under Therapy--How the Helping Culture is Eroding Self-Reliance." Her note inside: "We'll be battling ideas when we're both psychologists!" Why, she believes in me as much as I believe in her!

We were researching colleges last week and she started describing what she wants to accomplish: her purpose, what she is meant to do---her dream:

" I want to have a place where hurting people can come and be healed. I want them to feel safe and loved so they can be everything they are meant to be."

Jesus, Jesus, did You hear that ?

Have you ever heard Jesus laugh?

Have you ever had a dream that had turned to dust suddenly come to life right in your face?

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12


Heidi Renee June 6, 2008 at 6:48 AM  

*tears* - big splashy ones running down my cheeks - happy ones, celebrating ones - oh so much joy overflowing in my heart for Emily and for you.

my own daughter is just beginning this struggle and it gives me so much hope that she will come out the other side. as one who has been in therapy my whole adult life it thrills my soul to know that she will be adding to the helpers.

the best help i've ever recieved has come through hazelden training and books - i don't know if they have any recommendations for training, but it would be a great place to start:

still full of hope and joy - thank you so much for sharing!

onionboy June 6, 2008 at 9:40 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
onionboy June 6, 2008 at 9:41 AM  

ooops, minor error. Let's try again:

I'm beginning to live a deferred dream now. The deferral was very different than the story you've told though. After 20 years of ministry I have returned to the arts, another kind of ministry. It's a tough go but I am going to go for it.

The verse you noted has sustained me many times and is written on my art easel in several different translations.

Peace be with you and yours. ::thrive!

P.S. Just over a year ago when I was working at a wonderful Catholic bookstore we sold many, many copies of the book heidi notes above to Christians and others.

Milly June 6, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

It's so cool to see them chase the butterflies . . . And if this one doesn’t rest upon her heart forever may the next one bring her Jesus and laughter.

Patchouli June 6, 2008 at 3:07 PM  

It feels like I just announced "It's GIRL!" and everybody is clapping with me!

bobbie June 6, 2008 at 6:02 PM  

it is a girl - a big, bright, wonderful girl - hurray!

Kansas Bob June 8, 2008 at 10:16 AM  

Quite a gal you have there P!

I did sense God laugh once.. I will have to tell you about it some time.

much2ponder June 9, 2008 at 5:53 PM  

What a wonderful picture you paint with your words. God is good.

Kansas Bob June 11, 2008 at 7:30 AM  

Your title inpsired me to tell of a time when God laughed ... thanks for the inpsiration P!

Mark D February 16, 2009 at 4:21 PM  

Wow, that is amazing. How GREAT is our GOD!