Sunday, July 22, 2007

Opportunities for grace

My house doensn't feel like my home any longer. For the last 17 years, it has been filled with little girl laughter--where are they now? All grown up and moving on. I've always said that it is my job to work myself out of a job, but now that Em is launching her own boat, of course I want to reel it back in. I'm not ready!

Where are my little girls? Abby is in HIGH SCHOOL, and Miriam is in MIDDLE SCHOOL with all of those---MIDDLE SCHOOLERS!

Child advocacy is the toughest job you'll ever love...ain't that the truth. I can't save them all and that's huge. Finding a place to hold the pain so it doesn't overwhelm me--well, that's a trick that I haven't mastered yet.

My Tiger kitty died accidentally at the end of May.

Remember Bug? She had a heart condition that couldn't be fixed, and I had to choose. A crippled life that assuaged my guilt, or freedom from a dying body? She left us in June.

I have been battling soulfog for a good while now.
(If you don't know what soulfog is, just think about it for a minute.) Stepping back and turning over the stones that make up my life allows me to see just where I am.

In a minute, I'll be ready to embrace life again with arms wide open--but right now, I'll stay right here, under His wings.


wilsonian July 22, 2007 at 3:59 PM  

I am so sorry for your losses, Patchouli. Praying for some bright Light to burn off that fog...

Kansas Bob July 22, 2007 at 4:49 PM  

Soulfog: a new word for my vocabulary - wish I didn't understand what it means :(

Sympathies on the pets' passing ... we lost our Westie a few months ago and I still miss him ... pretty hard on the heart.

Prayers and Blessings, Bob

Patchouli July 22, 2007 at 6:50 PM  

thank you guys--I'm traveling this week to see my nephew--he may be deployed to Iraq (for the third time)in October--and his family. then on to see a lifelong buddy in Nashville.

Life is hard. Period. Right now, this is my path. I'm walking it out, not building a house on the roadside.

~~~drinking in the love~~~

Milly July 22, 2007 at 10:48 PM  

I thinking of you sister in my prayers. My dad helped troubled teens I remember those looks of helplessness. But remember you are helping, lean on God.

My son is about to start the eighth grade. He’s about to hit the age of fourteen soon he’ll be checking in with us to see if he still had a room. Life moves forward no matter how long we stand on the platform waiting for it to stop. (Millyism) This momma understands those littles growing away. Just remember they will always need us.

Kel July 25, 2007 at 2:25 AM  

this is your little aussie blog buddy doing her best impression of a foghorn

deep pitched voice "hhmmm"

hope it helps you stay clear of any rocky patches :)

trace July 27, 2007 at 2:11 PM  

Life transitions can put you in the middle of the fog.

Along side you in the fog, praying that it will lift soon.

Kelly July 29, 2007 at 2:32 AM  

Chouli, you've had so much loss this spring. I'm sorry, friend. My love, all for you.